A Hard Life
by giacinta
Summary: John contemplates his sons and the life they're forced to lead. Chapter Three. Sam suspects something is up with John.
1. Chapter 1

A Hard Life

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John watched as his sons chattered animatedly, huddled close together on the rickety wooden steps.

They hadn't noticed him yet, hidden as he was by the shadow of the cabin; otherwise the sunny smiles on their faces and the quick movement of their hands as they gesticulated to illustrate whatever it was they were discussing, would have abruptly stopped.

Whenever he was around, their expressions and demeanor were always serious and he knew that he had only himself to blame if they were wary around him.

X

He shook his head in frustration. When had the father in him morphed into the marine he now was?

The change had been gradual, going from a distraught widower to a man obsessed with training and disciplining his kids in order to defend themselves against whatever had killed their mother, for something had; there had been nothing natural about Mary's death. Burning on the ceiling against all the rules of gravity with her stomach sliced open, certainly wasn't.

But as he had since found out, the supernatural world existed and it was all the more crucial that his boys knew how to take care of themselves.

Sam and Dean didn't deserve this, but it was all he had to offer.

X

He deliberately scuffed a loose stone as he came forward to signal his presence, and he saw the boys practically jump to attention, well Dean did anyway, Sam always took his own sweet time to respond to anything that concerned his father.

"Boys," he drawled. "I thought I'd left you to practice? Don't see much of that goin' on"

"Dad!" Dean cut in. "We've been at it all morning. We were just taking a break. Sam's got a cramp and his hand's swollen from all the knife-throwing."

"Swollen! You okay, Sam?"

Sam looked up at him with a touch of animosity in his hazel eyes. Ever since the Christmas he'd discovered what John did, Sam had strenuously struggled against the hunting life and John was convinced he didn't openly rebel only because of his love for his brother and because he had nowhere else to go; but John was sure that Sam would cause him problems in the future.

The boy was strong-willed and as stubborn as a mule, all characteristics that John knew he himself possessed in plenty!

X

Anytime they came back from a hunt and Dean was wounded, he could feel Sam's accusing eyes on him for allowing his big brother to be hurt. One of the first things he had wanted to learn was how to stitch up wounds and once he had mastered it, he always attended personally to Dean, never allowing John near.

John let him be, especially since Dean seemed to welcome Sam's attentions, the boy being gentle and taking all the time needed to stitch Dean up as painlessly as possible.

X

X

"Look, dad," Dean said as he pulled Sam's hand forward. "See how it's all red and puffed up from this morning's work out."

"I believe you Dean," John smiled. "You don't have to prove anything. Well then, seeing as Sam can't do much else today, why don't we take a trip into town and sink our teeth into some juicy burgers."

"Sure dad," Dean answered cheerfully, the thought of food lifting his spirits, while Sam just stared at him as if to say 'you can get round Dean by offering hamburgers, but it won't work with me'.

X

X

The diner was a busy place for a town that wasn't much bigger than a village, but the excellent quality of the food it served must have drawn customers in from the surrounding areas.

"Wow, dad! This has gotta be one of the best burgers I've ever tasted," Dean raved as he chewed blissfully. "Come on Sammy; don't tell me you're gonna pass, " he teased as he saw his little brother scrunch up his nose at the food."If you don't get some protein into that skinny frame of yours, you're gonna stay a runt for ever."

"Runt, huh! " Sam bitched. "I'm as tall as you already, Dean! You should be telling me _not_ to eat, so I won't grow any bigger!"

"You wish, Sammy! Then even if you do take me for a couple of inches, I'm always gonna be the big brother. Can't chop off the years, dude! You're always gonna be my pain in the ass little brother!" he smirked.

X

John's heart warmed as he looked on. The burgers must have had relaxing properties, for it was rare that his sons baited each other in his presence, but as he watched he was struck by the sensation of being only a spectator to his boys.

They had a link to each other and a bond that he wasn't a part of, and he felt a prick of pain to know that he would never be accepted into their two person world.

His boys were special and even if they railed against his training…well Sam anyway, he would give them the tools to defend themselves and each other from all the evil that was out there.

X

He heard a giggle coming from the young waitresses behind the counter and turning his head slightly, he saw they were staring at his sons.

Maybe he was so used to having them around that he hadn't noticed, but now that he took a good look, he saw that they were no longer two young kids; Dean was nineteen and Sam fifteen, both fine-featured men who would have had hordes of simpering teens following them about, if their lives had been different.

Although they had been raised in as hard a life as one could imagine, there was nothing uncouth about them. They wouldn't have been out-of-place in a much more elegant setting.

He heaved a sigh.

How he wished he could have offered them more, but something evil had picked on their family and they would have to see it through to the end.

Maybe once he had caught the son of a bitch that had killed Mary, things would change. He could get a job and the boys could go back to having a normal life.

Well that day hadn't come yet, he mused unhappily and he pushed back his chair as two pairs of eyes shifted onto him.

X

"What's wrong, Dad?" Dean asked." Nothing son," John answered as he threw the car keys down on the table. "You boys stay; I just wanna take a walk. When you're finished. Take your brother home."

"What's up with him? " Sam asked when John had exited the locale.

"Don't ask me, Sammy. He was fine up to a moment ago," Dean shrugged.

"Well, I'm glad he's gone. I always feel he's testing us or something when he's near," Sam sniffed.

"Oh, come on Sam. Dad loves us. You two just seem to rub each other up the wrong way, is all," Dean scolded.

"Yeah, well. I got good reason."

"No you don't. Dad's just looking out for us. Trying to protect us."

"Maybe, but I always get the feeling when he looks at me that… I don't know, that he blames me for stuff," Sam shrugged unhappily.

"That's rubbish, Sam. Now eat your burger or tomorrow when we spar, I'll kick that bony ass of yours to kingdom come!" Dean grinned.

"You and who else? " Sam retorted returning the smile, his bad mood lifting now John was gone.

Then Dean always had the knack of making him feel better.

He was ready to tuck into that burger. Tomorrow he would give Dean a run for his money!

X

The enD


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

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"You know Johnny," the demon smirked gleefully, despite the fact that it was strapped down to the chair in the middle of a demon trap. "We never thought that frying that wife of yours would turn you into a man with a mission, and that you'd become so good at it too! Gotta hand it to you Winchester, you climbed the fast-ladder to become the most resourceful hunter around. None of us is happy to have John Winchester on our tail."

It smirked craftily before continuing. "Strange you never looked into the reason for it all; that maybe that cute little baby boy of yours had something to do with the fire. It was in his nursery, wasn't it?"

"What the shit are you talking about, hell-spawn," John replied, taken aback

He knew demons lied but this one seemed overly eager to talk, and John's instinct told him that it was taking a particular pleasure in sharing and caring.

X

"Aw, John, maybe your brain isn't as quick as your gun hand or you'd have worked it out by now.

We didn't care about your little bitch of a wife, she just got in our way. If she'd kept her nose out of our business she would still be cooking and cleaning for her big marine hubby, but she had to go in and check on little Sammy."

X

As John listened he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rising in sheer terror, a terror greater than he had ever felt while facing-off against the most dangerous of monsters; it was pure unadulterated horror for the thoughts that were beginning to form in his mind at the demon's words; thoughts which the demon then confirmed, taking the greatest delight in doing so

"It took you a while John, but even a knuckle-head like you has finally got it." the demon jeered, a smug expression plastered on his face.

"It was Sammy who interested us not her. Your kid is going to be very very useful to us one day," it laughed sarcastically, eyes black as coal in the stolen body it inhabited.

X

"You filthy piece of crap," John hissed showering the demon with holy water, taking great pleasure in watching it bubble and sizzle on its flesh.

"What the hell do you mean? What has Sam got to do with any of this? You better tell me everything or god help me, I'll make you suffer worse than you could ever imagine in hell!"

The demon just kept on smiling, not in the least bothered by John's threatening words.

"You can do all you want Winchester but I've told you everything I know, so go on, knock yourself out torturing me if it turns you on, but I want you to know that my meat suit is still alive so you won't be hurting me but him. I'll just take a nap while you get down to work." And with a flash of black eyes, the demon retreated and gave the human back control of his body, a terrified expression taking the place of the leering one the demon had exhibited.

X

John cursed, he hadn't yet reached the stage of torturing an innocent human, though he realized his familiarity with the violent world of hunting was gradually making him harsher and unfeeling.

There was nothing more he could do for now, he would just have to perform an exorcism and send the demon back to Hell, saving the human, but it didn't finish here.

He didn't want to believe that Sam was involved in anything to do with demons, but again his instinct told him the demon had been taunting him with the truth. Sam had been targeted for some reason and John wouldn't stop until he found out what it was, even if he had to exorcise every damn demon on the planet!

He escorted the terrified man to the nearest hospital, turned around and set off back to his sons at top speed.

X

As he drove he mulled over what he had been told.

What could demons want with Sam? He was just a normal whiny teen, as ordinary as they come except for being a hunter, that is.

Was it really because of Sam that Mary had died? Sam had only been a baby; whatever was going on, he had no responsibility for the death of his mother, yet John couldn't quite quell the little voice whispering to his subconscious that in a way Sam _**was**_ to blame for Mary's death.

He pushed it firmly down. Sam was his son and even if they butted heads continually, he loved him.

He wasn't going to let the demon's words affect him like this. He had to have more facts before being able to judge what was going on.

X

X

X

Dean smirked as he held his brother down; he was sweating profusely. Sam might be skinny but he was wiry and put up a good fight now that his height almost equaled Dean's, but his little brother needed to build up more muscle-mass before he could ever hope to take him out.

He pulled himself up swaying, holding out a hand to his sibling.

"I can get up on my own, Dean," Sam panted, ignoring the outstretched hand.

"Come on, Sammy, you're not going to huff just because I decked you again," Dean grinned, taking hold of Sam's arms and pulling him up. "You're improving by leaps and bounds, little brother. One day, I'll be the one lying there griping and you'll be smirking down at me!"

"Jerk," Sam answered but he couldn't keep back the smile that came to his lips as Dean crossed his eyes and scrunched his face up at him.

"Bitch, "Dean retaliate amiably, clapping a consoling hand on Sam's shoulder. "Come on, let's go shower and we'll get some chow into that skinny frame of yours. You gotta build yourself up if you wanna beat me!"

Sam huffed good-naturedly. He was used to losing out when training with Dean who was taller and heavier, but this time his disappointment was acute as he had felt he might have taken him.

X

"Yeah, right," he said, "Does that mean a greasy hamburger with double cheese and onions?"

"Sammy, you just read my mind," Dean grinned, ruffling Sam's messy hair, receiving a slap to his stomach for his trouble.

"Ow!"

They were still horsing around when John's truck roared in and parked right beside them.

X

X

"Dad, " Dean smiled in welcome, as his father exited the car. "We were just going to shower and get something to eat. You wanna come along?"

John's eyes ignored Dean completely and swept quickly to Sam who squirmed under his father's intense stare, feeling somehow that he was being judged.

"Sam; you okay?" the familiar husky voice asked.

"He's fine dad," Dean answered, taking a step forward, sensing that Sam was being assessed in some way by John, and his protect Sammy gene had flared up instinctively.

"I believe Sam can speak for himself Dean. He's a big boy now," John answered stonily.

Sam gulped before replying. "Yes sir, why shouldn't I be?"

John went on to say something, but he hesitated, pursed his lips and turned away leaving Sam and Dean looking after him open-mouthed.

X

"What was all that about,?" Dean wondered. "You do something to piss him off Sam?"

Sam shrugged. "Nothing I can remember, but it doesn't take much to get Dad annoyed with me."

"Aw, come on Sammy. He's not that bad. You're both stubborn and neither wants to give in, is all."

"Maybe, Dean but I got the feeling that he was looking at me different, as if I was something he hadn't seen before," Sam replied sighing.

"Hey," Dean said, cupping a comforting hand on Sam's neck and pulling him close "Let's get a shower and go eat. We can worry about Dad later."

Sam gave him a watery smile and thanked God for his brother; if it had been only him and John, life would have been desperate indeed

X

"I get first shower, " he declared as he wriggled out of his brother's grasp and darted inside.

Dean was right; they would worry about Dad later. John wouldn't be slow in calling him out if he'd done anything to make him mad, no point in having to deal until they had to.

X

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

I've been really busy lately, so I just want to give a big collective thank you to everyone who read, favoured and reviewed. It's truly appreciated. :)

X

Chapter Three

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Sam had always known that his father tended to regard him differently from Dean, but he had put it down to his big brother's love for the hunt which matched dad's own and for his hero-worship and readiness to follow dad's orders.

He, on the other hand, had never made any secret of his longing for the life his school-mates had, a chance to study, a stable home and not having to face monsters every alternate day; but since John had returned a few days ago from his latest hunt, Sam had felt himself being studied like a bug under a microscope, his father quickly averting his eyes whenever Sam turned around.

Even stranger was that Sam had discovered another hunt in the local paper, and the fact that John hadn't taken off pronto, like he usually did, made Sam very uneasy.

His father ignoring a hunt was unheard of, especially one in the near vicinity.

X

Sam chewed nervously on his lower lip; John Winchester didn't take kindly to having his actions questioned but Sam's innate curiosity got the upper hand.

Well here goes nothing he thought to himself as he blurted out. "'Bout that hunt I found, dad. You not going to follow it up?"

John was sitting at the table cleaning his weapons and to Sam's surprise, he just smiled and replied calmly. "Na, Sam. I called in another hunter to take care of it. I thought we might spend some family time together, You, me and Dean. Have a little holiday."

A chill snaked its way through Sam's body.

Dad, when he was mad could scare the skin off a crocodile with a simple glare, but a happy, accommodating John was even scarier, because Dad hadn't been **_that_** kind of dad for a long time now.

X

Sam had no idea why, but he was almost certain that HE was the reason Dad was still here.

He threw a glance at John from under his eyelashes, and sure enough John was staring at him again

He closed his book and pushed back his chair; suddenly he couldn't take the weight of those intense eyes on him any longer. He had to get out of the room; the walls seemed to be closing in on him like some enormous Venus fly trap.

X

"Where are you going, Sam?" his dad asked continuing to clean his gun.

"I... um.. ….have to ask Dean something," he stuttered trying to keep his voice from quivering. He had never been as afraid of his father as he was in that instant. He had to find Dean NOW.

X

Dean was exactly where he always was when not hunting, training, chatting up some girl or baiting his little brother; fiddling under the Impala's hood.

Sam made bee-line for him; just setting eyes on Dean made him feel safer.

Dean poked his head to the side at Sam's approach.

"Come to give me a hand bro, " he smirked, already knowing the answer.

Sam had never shown any interest in learning the mechanics of the car; something that gave Dean plenty of ammo to tease him about.

He had left Sam wading happily through his home-work, so either his little brother had finished in record time or he and dad had butted heads again. Dean fervently hoped it was the former for he was so tired of playing buffer between the two stubborn mules.

Sam's face was tense; his skin pale as if he had gotten a bad fright.

"Dean..."

He came to stand in front of his brother, the car forgotten.

"Sammy..? Something wrong?" he laid a hand on the boy's skinny shoulder. A tremor was running through it; Sam was upset and scared about something...dad...?

He glanced back at the motel just in time to notice John pull back from the window. Just what was going on?

Sam came forward into Dean's personal space, seeking comfort; something he did only when he was really shaken up but dad had been in the room with him and if the oldest Winchester was by your side, there was very little that could scare you. Unless it was dad himself who did the scaring!

X

"Sammy? What's going on?" Dean asked again, running an expert eye over his younger sibling. "I left you doing your home-work and now you'd think a were-wolf had been running around inside your pants!"

Now that he was away from Dad and 'safe' in Dean's hold, Sam wondered if he had overreacted. Maybe he was just stupid, imagining stuff.

"Uh, nothing." He squirmed uncomfortably. "I just wanted to give you a hand with the car, " he said, blurting out the first excuse that came to mind, but he wasn't fooling Dean.

"Now I know you're lying, Sam, " Dean snorted. " You ran out here like some big-eyed hairy Bambi; so now you're gonna spill what's going through that geeky brain of yours."

He wiped his hands on a rag and grasped Sam's arm.

X

"There's a picnic table over there. C'mon", but before he yanked his recalcitrant sibling towards it, he took another glance at the window. John was framed in it again watching; just what the jeez was going on, Dean wondered as he pushed Sam down onto the bench.

X

He stretched across the table and tugged on a lock of Sam's tousled hair, the warm humid weather making it curl even more than usual.

"Ow! Dean! What the heck!" Sam grouched as he swiped Dean's hand away.

"I'm the one who's asking, squirt; so don't try to squirrel out of it. Tell me what happened. Is it to do with dad?" Dean said, remembering his father's stance at the window.

Sam's shrug told him it was.

"Look Dean, it's nothing ...really. I don't understand what came over me. I was sitting doing my home-work and I felt dad's eyes on me. That's all. He didn't do anything, honest, he was cleaning his guns," he continued quickly, as he saw Dean's eyes darken with suspicion.

"I just felt the room closing in on me and I had to get out..."

X

"So...let me get this straight, Sammy. You felt dad watching you, you panicked and ran out," Dean summarized. " You don't really expect me to believe that, do you? I've seen dad yell at you while you stand there with a defiant look in your eyes and now you want me to believe he did nothing, yet he scared you. Have I got it right?"

X

When Dean put it like that, Sam felt like a perfect idiot, but the feeling of uneasiness he had experienced in the room was still present. He had no logical explanation to give his brother, so he shrugged again.

Dean pulled himself up. "I'll go and have a word with Dad, maybe there's some kind of presence in the motel, although we warded it against just about everything and dad would have picked up on it anyway."

Sam looked at him alarmed.

"No, Dean just leave it alone. Dad'll think I'm imagining things and he's got a bad enough opinion of me as it is," Sam pleaded, working the eyes to the fullest. Dean put up a middling defence but it was soon breached as he folded to the canine powers of Sam's soulful eyes.

"Okay" he agreed tilting his head studying Sam. " I won't mention you. I gotta wash up anyway and my stomach's telling me it's time to tend to its needs. Wait here for me squirt, when I get back we'll go for pizza."

Sam nodded. He was quite happy to remain outside, he wasn't eager to go back in anytime soon.

X

X  
John was sitting on the bed, still cleaning his guns when Dean strolled in.

He noticed Sam's books lying haphazardly on the table. The kid was prissy about his stuff, he must have quit the room in a big hurry.

"Those are gonna be the cleanest guns around, " Dean joked, moving to stand beside his father. "You've been at them all day."

"Can't be too clean, son, 'specially when you life depends on a clear shot."

John paused for a moment. "How's Sam? He seemed upset when he ran out."

Dean studied him curiously as he lied. "Na, he's okay. Just needed some air. Did you and he have a head-butting match or something?"

"You would have heard us from outside if we had," John answered; expertly mounting the gun.

X

Dean, " I need to talk to you..." John ventured, as if he was uncertain how to proceed.

"About?"

"About Sam, " John replied getting to his feet.

Dean began to understand what Sam had been trying to tell him; dad was giving off a weird vibe.

He felt a chill coursing through him. Whatever dad wanted to say, he knew he wasn't going to like it.

X

He backed away from John, pointing a finger at the bathroom.

"Gotta take a shower, dad, and go on a food run," he said, trying to put it off..

"Yeah, we can talk tonight when Sam's asleep," John agreed.

Dean walked into the shower and let the hot water comfort him. "Sammy whatever it is, Don't worry, I'm here!"

X

TBC


End file.
